I haven’t been blogging much in the past 12 months.
For years it had been near-instinctual for me to be producing frequent web content. Ever since I moved to North Carolina last year and got into the marketing world, I had just assumed I no longer desired to create blog posts and such because it’s too similar to what I do at work. Or perhaps, because after my work days I’ve used up all of my creative energy? In part, that is true. But I think it is a little more than that, when I really stop to assess myself.
I believe I’ve undergone a psychological shift over the year.
It’s not that I’ve lost my creativity, but I just don’t feel the need to be publicly creating all the time. And that is a good thing. Teenage Sarah wrote because she wanted a place to vent her thoughts and process life. Early twenty-something Sarah wrote because she felt like she needed to prove she was worth something. She wanted to be noticed.
So where am I now?
I’m at a healthier place in life. Little by little, I am realizing that my worth isn’t tied up in how much content I create or how consistently I do it. My worth isn’t in how many boxes I can check off on my to-do list. I don’t need to prove anything. Ultimately speaking, it doesn’t matter how impressive I seem or how productive I am. Worrying over such things isn’t a worthwhile pursuit.
Ultimately speaking, I am a blip on the radar of eternity.
I suppose some people might get depressed thinking something like that about themselves. But personally, I’m cool with that truth. In the grand scheme of things, mankind (and everything else!) was created for God’s pleasure. My blip-on-the-radar-existence on this earth is included in that. I wasn’t put here to impress my fellow humans or to be measured by to-do-list check-boxes. I was put here because it pleased God to bring me into existence so that I can get to know Him. So that I can love Him and worship Him and reflect His character as we grow closer.
[Side note: I realize that sounds crazy to some people. That’s okay. It’s not my place to change your heart, so I’m not going to try. My place is simply to reflect on and say what God is doing in my life as I pray he does likewise for you.]
All that to say, I’m blogging again (for now!)
This time, however, I’m not blogging for fulfillment. I’m not blogging to prove I’m a valuable human. I just want to try my hand at picking up the art of writing again. To rediscover the ability to find truth, goodness, and beauty through this medium. I want to use it as a tool to help me slow down and think. To better appreciate the world God has placed me in and the skills that He has blessed me with. If you’re joining me in this journey – welcome!! It’s neat to have you reading along. Or, if I’m merely here writing to no audience but myself and God (and maybe my mom 😉 ), that’s okay too. Because for once in my life, my primary goal isn’t to have a big audience.